Bryan Falchuk | The Only Way to Solve Business Challenges

Many times, whether it’s at work, in your personal relationships, or in your business, you feel powerless. Things are going wrongsometimes very wrongand you can’t seem to do anything about it.

Not so, says Bryan Falchuk. He shares some simple techniques that will help you recognize your influence and get back the power you actually do have. 

Listen in to get the details on that, as well as…

  • What everyone really wants out of business and life – and how to get it
  • Hanlon’s Razor and how it should your every interaction with people
  • Why true power isn’t about dominating someone
  • The better way to think about other people, especially those who’ve done you wrong
  • And more

Listen now…

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Transcript

Steve Gordon: Welcome to the Unstoppable CEO podcast. I’m your host Steve Gordon and we have got a really great interview for you today. We are bringing back on the podcast Brian Falchuk. Brian is a life coach. You’ll remember him from an earlier episode, sharing all of his wisdom around his do-a-day concept. And now, he’s written a new book, and he’s out speaking about it. And this is really kind of coming on the heels of do-a-day which was the best selling book. With this book, it’s called the 50-75-100 Solution.

I’m gonna let him tell you what all of that means, but it’s all about building better relationships, both in business and in your personal life. And I think this is going to be a really powerful episode for everybody listening I’m a big believer that all of the business challenges you have can be solved by creating the right relationships and repairing the right relationships in business. And I think the same is true in your personal life. So I’m excited, Brian to have you back. Welcome back to the unstoppable CEO podcast.

Bryan Falchuk: Yeah. Thanks for having me on, Steve. I really appreciate it. And it was good. I had you on my show, too. So it’s, yeah, third time’s a charm for us. Hopefully.

Steve: Yeah. So I’m excited about this. I think this is a huge topic for people. And as we discussed before we start we’re going to depart from kind of the normal format here, we’re going to dive right into the book and what you talked about there. So. So the 50-75-100 solution, kind of give us the big picture of that.

Bryan: Yeah. And hopefully the hardest part of the whole thing is just getting the numbers right. And you have gotten it right every time which is it’s no small feat. So definitely give you kudos for that.

Steve: That’s because it’s written right here in front of me.

50-75-100

Bryan: You’re cheating! But actually, I mean, all kidding aside, like that was probably the hardest part of the whole book and you know, you get a good marketing head like marketing people know like Bryan… terrible title. “No one knows what that is, they can’t remember it, you should call it like relationship suck.” It’s like “I know, it would probably sell better.” But it doesn’t, it just doesn’t resonate with me.

So 50-75-100 solution, the subtitle of it is Build Better Relationships. And that’s what it’s all about. And we were talking, before recording, the numbers really just talk about the pieces of the puzzle so that the pieces of the whole relationship that’s what the hundred 100 represents.

50 is like there’s two of us whether it’s two individuals or two groups of people, or you know, two companies negotiating something, there’s two sides of the equation. And that’s where the 50 is a 50-50. Like I own my half you own yours.

75 comes from the idea that within each half, we’re actually split in half again, we’ve got what we’re actively choosing to do is our actions. You know what we’re of our own free will choosing to put out there and then the other half of us are our reactions. That’s how we respond to the world around us and the exact same dynamic goes on and the other person.

So in each of these halves, they’ve split in half again. So it’s like you got four quarters, to the whole relationship. What that’s really about is, and this is where the power in the whole thing comes together is if you own your half, and I think everybody agrees we do, it doesn’t make it easy, you know, like controlling your reactions can be really tough. But you can, just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean you can’t do it. So you own your half, but actually, because the other person, half of them is about their reactions to you, by extension, you have influence quite a bit of influence, over half of them. And so if you take half of them, plus all of you, that’s 75% of the total. And that’s where that middle number comes in.

You have control and influence over three-quarters of what’s going on here. And what I found when I recognize that and when, you know, I share it with people that I’m coaching that are struggling with some relationship, I just had a call this morning about it. It’s actually really empowering because, in so many of these situations, we feel helpless. You know, whether that’s we’re arguing with someone we love or you know one of the examples I share in the book as a co-worker who’s trying to get me fired.

Or even, you know, negotiation, maybe it’s your company’s getting acquired, or you’re in court, you know, you feel powerless. When you recognize the influence you have, and the control you have, suddenly you’re getting back from your power. And it’s not about having power over someone. It’s about the power to make a change. So it’s a positive power and about control and harm and you know, that that kind of power, you know, wielding it, like, like it like a tyrant, it’s about the power to move things to a better place. And better we can find a whole lot of different ways.

You know, for some relationships, they may be fine. They’re not you wouldn’t classify them or categorize them as a problem today, but could they be better? You know, could they be more loving, more supportive, more invested in what you’re doing more open to your feedback, and for some of them, they are really bad. And so maybe better isn’t like you guys skipping off together, holding hands, staring into each other’s eyes, maybe is we’re not trying to kill each other anymore. We’re not trying to, you know, the working example I gave, my co-worker wasn’t trying to get me fired anymore. And we were working together to make the business better. We weren’t friends ever again.

You know, we didn’t like I didn’t like being around her per se, but we could be, we could work together productively, and it was real, it wasn’t like, you know, putting on false airs or just kind of like sucking it up and dealing with it. So there’s a bit of reality and all this, you know, I’m not saying everything’s going to be perfect. But I am saying that this is a path to making things better. And that’s, it’s a really comforting and kind of resetting idea when you’re facing these tough relationships. And then the real magic is in the house. So you know, the first is just to understand that you can and that you’ve got a hand in doing that. And if I ended the book, there would be a pretty worthless book, you know, it’s like, okay, I didn’t know I just had some control. And now it’s up to me, but like, what do I do? Because if you knew what to do, you would have done it already. Right.

Actually, I start with these three core principles from Buddhism, which, to me are the basis for making that change. And the first one is really the meat of it. It’s the idea of happiness seeking, what the heck is that? Everybody ultimately just seeks to be happy. Right? Whether you agree with their version of happiness or not, that’s a different question. But that’s what they really want. They want something that makes them happier. Now, sometimes they may be confused about it. Sometimes their methods to achieve it may be flawed, and sometimes their happiness may be at odds with yours. They call it the last cookie problem.

There’s only one cookie left and we can’t both have it. And if we split it, neither of us actually gets what we want. We’re a bit better off than not having it but it’s not what we really wanted. So I can’t have my happiness without you losing yours. So sometimes they’re not compatible. But what it doesn’t mean is I woke up this morning saying like, there’s one cookie left in the world and Steve not getting it. I woke up thinking about Getting it. So it’s this different approach to it where you feel less maliciousness and intention on the other person’s part. You may just be a casualty of war. But that’s not why they set out to do whatever they do.

I love this example because it’s really tangible. And probably everybody’s been there. But being on the highway in traffic and you get cut off, maybe you’re the person doing the cutting off. Either way, I guarantee you, that other person did not get on the highway looking for your car to get in front of you. I don’t care like how you know how aggressive they seem or how targeted it feels. They’re just trying to get where they’re going. And they made a decision, that being one car further ahead. would make them happier. And it happened to be your car that was in the way.

Steve: Are you sure about that? I feel like I’ve been targeted before.

Bryan: There was one at one time, Stephen. It doesn’t feel that way. And then we respond like we start yelling as they can actually hear us which they can you know, maybe one our fingers are extended and it’s not our thumb.

Steve: It’s not like we do all kinds of crazy things. And I don’t know where I first came across this but a mental model called Hamlin’s razor. I don’t know if you ever heard of this, but it’s basically just a way of thinking about people. And it basically is the gist of it is don’t attribute to malice, that which could be otherwise explained by ignorance. Yeah, yeah. You know, but we always want to jump to oh, they’re wrong. Yeah. And they’re evil. And, you know, and that that might not have been what was happening.

Bryan: Yeah. And that it may have been playing out that way. But it doesn’t mean the intention was that and so what would happen is seeking really is about is kind of like do a day it’s being mindful. So in those moments, trying to step back and just say what is it they actually want here? Like whatever their wants and needs. So the call I had this morning, it was a spousal relationship and it was about, you know, she’s reacting this way to me, she’s doing this to me. And he’s not wrong. She didn’t react that way to him. She did do these things to him. She did you know, not appreciate him. She didn’t misinterpret his intentions. But the question is why? And he was very stuck in feeling hurt. And so he couldn’t see that like, okay, maybe there’s something else going on with her. And you’re in the way, you know, it’s not that you’re against her, but she’s viewing it that way because of where she’s at. And so then you have to ask yourself, Well, what is it she wanted in the first place?

I want to go into the details of it because you know, private conversation, but there’s an aspect of, or just trying to understand, like, you know, I kept asking like, well, ultimately, what do you think your wife on it this morning, when you guys have that text exchange? And now she’s not speaking? What is it she was looking for? And he was like, well wasn’t just yell at me. It’s like, Yeah, she didn’t text you to just start yelling at you because it started fine. So now let’s look at what, what you did and then why she started yelling. And he’s like, Well, you know, I just said this, and it’s been really nice. Then she started screaming at me, it’s like, Well, okay, you did over text, so you can’t read tone. So maybe she added some snark to it, because she was not in a happy place, to begin with. And she wanted something that she’s not talking to you about. So you don’t even know what her needs are. But whatever you said, somehow didn’t jive with that. And it triggered her. And so you know, this back and forth. Like he finally got to like, Oh, yeah, you know, I know this was supposed to happen today. And it’s not like she was supposed to have something going on today. And it got canceled.

And so it’s like, so she’s probably not happy about that. And me talking about something that would have happened when that original event was going to happen, just brought it back for her and it reminded her that she missed out on her happiness and he’s going to do his thing and he’s going to be happy and it’s not that she just wants to stand in the way of his happiness, she’s just feeling bad for herself. She’s feeling a loss for her own happiness. And so that gave him the basis to actually have compassion and validate her feelings rather than just getting in this lockout with her. So it’s like when you recognize there’s some definition of happiness at play. And maybe a person is having trouble with it, maybe they’re not even operating at a deep enough level to know what that happiness is. You know, like, people who’ve been hurt, you know, saying hurt people hurt people, they made on the surface level, be like, I’m going to hurt him. You know, I’m going to be nasty right now. Or like, she’s not going to get what she wants, because I can’t have what I want.

The reason why they’re doing that is not just to be nasty. It’s because they have pain inside. And they don’t understand how to deal with it. And so they’re trying to address their pain, like a drug addict, just take that hit. Because in that moment of being mean to you, they get a dopamine hit, and it makes them feel better for just a second. But in reality, it’s not solving the problem. And you screaming at them, well, then they’re going Emotion back and they’re longing for emotion. I guarantee you, they don’t understand any of this. So there are different things at play than just like I’m blindly going to be mean to this person, they’re hurting inside. And they’re misunderstanding how to deal with that hurt just like you know when you have me on last time I told you why I was obese, parents got divorced, all this anxiety. I needed something to fill that emotional hole.

And the food did a really good job in my five-year-old mind. But it didn’t actually do a good job at all. So I always just kept eating because it was never actually filling the hole. So I always had a hole to fill and I still had all the emotional and anxiety issues from the divorce and the feeling that things weren’t okay. Because I was never actually addressing it. It’s very similar here. But just having this happiness seeking understanding on the receiving end of that negativity, it allows you to step back and step down your desire to defend or worse yet, you know, go on the offense and start hitting back at them.

Steve: So it really it sounds like it requires something that I think, for a lot of us is, is really difficult to do sometimes. And it’s, it’s being aware almost being outside of ourselves and observing the situation. And then being able to recognize, okay, I need to put a pause in here and, and kind of think about what’s happening on both sides.

Observing Situations and Recognizing Issues

Bryan: Really hard to do at the moment where you’re getting attacked or offended or something’s triggered for you. This is not you read the book and you’re good. I’m not done. I got plenty of tough interactions. You know, I talked about my marriage in there and it’s worlds better than it was when I started the journey and started looking into Buddhism and learn the things that form the basis of the book, but it’s not perfect. You know, we have ups and downs. It’s called being human. So this is something you keep practicing and you keep working on. It’s like life like it doesn’t end you know, your goals, your sense of things, your motivations, your inspiration, they evolve as you evolve.

And so I wouldn’t expect anyone to read the book and be like, okay, every Bring it on, like, I’m good. I know exactly like, I’m going to be super Zen only going to think about their happiness. And it’s all good. No, like, it’s going to take some work. But I think we all want those relationships to be better. Nobody wants to really live with that kind of pain, you know, knowing wants to go to work and be on eggshells around your boss or your P or whatever, or avoid that customer because you think they’re going to be really difficult.

What if you had a path to make them not difficult? And what if you had a path to closing that deal? Because you suddenly side I with the person? My day job, I’ve got work at a startup and I’m responsible for our sales and there’s a number of interactions we have where the person’s really aloof upfront because they’ve been burned so many times by were a tech solution. They’ve been burned by lots of tech solutions that never deliver. And I used to be them. I was on I was in there. before. So I can empathize. I know what’s going through their minds, or at least I have a sense of it. And I can talk to them in a different way that gets to their actual issue. And so then we’re relating completely different. Not like, Hi, I’m Bryan from this tech company buy my stuff, which is, you know, that’s one of the things that is not the happiness they’re seeking. Like, great. Let me get sold right now that sounds really enticing.

Steve: I’m surprised.

Bryan: Yeah, you think right. I would say like, I used to sell cars Long, long ago. And from Boston, I go to Fenway Park, see the Red Sox and don’t hate me for that. And the sales pitch of the guys selling food is like, hey, and then the name of the product. So like, hey, peanuts, hey, ice cream it and it works. So I was like, why don’t we do that like, hey, Toyota’s never caught on. And I haven’t tried that. We should.

Steve: Yeah, really well, so I see this stuff pop up in companies all the time, whether it’s an issue with a client or customer? I’ll tell you where it pops up again and again and again, is with partners. Yeah, you know, because that is about as close as a marital relationship as you can get in the business. You know, I guess without some of the fun stuff, but I see those sometimes just totally disintegrate. Yeah, it’s over little stuff. Yeah. Oh, it’s awful. Yeah, financially. It’s awful for both people. Usually. It’s a big hit to the ego. And burned and business not work.

Bryan: Yeah, it’s very similar. And it’s usually because of some relationship issues. It’s rarely because of like, the nuts and bolts just could not he couldn’t figure out how to make things work.

Steve: Oh, no, it’s always because of a relationship issue. Yeah, I mean, if you didn’t have that component of it, you know, running the business, you know, firstly, any business is relatively simple but for the humans inside the business Yeah. Yeah. So all right, well, so you kind of take us to the first part, which is this happiness.

Interdependence

Bryan: Yeah, what’s the next piece of it? So the next piece of it is called interdependence. And the idea of interdependence is that no one is a certain way in and of themselves always in forever. Were these ways in relation to other things, other people, other situations. So it’s like, you know, I would say, this is why bullies have friends, right? Like you hate them. And for some reason, that person thinks they’re the greatest thing in the world.

Or like he asked one person out they say, no, yeah, someone else out they say yes. And they’re like, nervous because they’re so excited to go out with you or one company turns you down for a job, or to work with you as a partner, as a customer, and another one doesn’t. We’re different in different situations. We click with different people in different ways. And same people, different situations, you get different relationships, my husband and wives, you know, love each other to death and they’re married and raising a family and madly in love in the early days and then coexisting later.

Or maybe You know, love each other and very close and kind and the next day they’re at each other’s throats. And they’re reaching out to me because you know that these text messages went awry, you change something about the situation, you change something about the person or the people that are involved full stop, and you get a different interaction. So what this is, this is the mechanism for change. Like, it’s one thing to know, you know, there’s, I might have you and yours and I can influence yours and Okay, get happiness seeking, but we have to be connected for that knowledge to go anywhere. So if I understand differently, why you might be behaving the way you are towards me.

And this interconnection means if I change something, the situation can change. Now I have a mechanism for it. So what if I give you a different version of me to interact with? So this is like, you know, the happiness seeking is the core idea. The verb behind or the mechanism behind it is interconnectedness. And then we’re interdependence. And then the third is impermanence. And this is just the age-old adage that you know, the only constant changes. Nothing stays the same forever. So when we say like, he’s bad, she’s mean, those are complete and permanent statements, but they’re not accurate. No one is always bad, always good, always nice, always mean always productive, smart, whatever, all the time, the change, everything changes, we all have the capacity for change. So actually, someone was talking to me the other day said, I don’t believe that people change. And I just listened to him. And I didn’t correct him.

But like, dude, I used to weigh like 300 pounds and you know, like, was a stress ball. And, by the way, I was a D student in English. And now I have a best selling book. So something changed. Maybe I’m still me, but things about us can change. And that’s really important to understand. So we’ve got the core idea of what’s going on with happiness seeking. We’ve got the mechanism with internet pendants, and impermanence is the hope. So it’s the idea that like, Look, everything can change, no matter how bad and permanent they’re always this way to me, everything can and will change. So it’s worth putting in the work, understanding their happiness, applying it through that interdependence. Because you can get a chance, even if it’s small, smallest, something you can work with, and you can build on it. And so that, you know, that’s sort of in a nutshell, maybe the numbers were easier in the end, and then three components and the way I ramble on about them, but it honestly it was born of my own struggles in the midst of it. So my wife and I were having a tough time.

And, you know, I was seeing a therapist about ensure a licensed social worker, I guess therapist is the term counselor is the term. And she’s like, you should read this book on Buddhism called Open Heart, Clear Mind and I was like, yeah, I’ll pick it up. You know, it showed up a couple of days later and I just started digging into it. And I was completely blown away. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read.

And people like, don’t you mean your own books? Like, no, this one’s better… Definitely. It’s amazing. There’s a lot to it that has nothing to do with any of this. But there’s just a lot that got me to think differently about my position and things the way I was interpreting, and to see a different possibility for how I can process this world that I’m experiencing instead of why are they doing this to me, why don’t they love me? Why don’t they see how good I am? You know, why don’t they appreciate it, etc. It’s all these wise about the other person.

And I was maybe like, 30-40%, not even that far into the book, and my wife and I had a really bad fight. And I was like, You know what, I’m going to try it. Like right here right now in the midst, you know, right in the middle of one of these arguments. I’m just going to tell her to look, I love you very much. This is a really tough moment for us. I don’t think it’s productive for me to stay in it. I’m going to go up to bed. Let’s go off and talk later. And that’s just not me at all. Like I am, like, No, we have to fix it right now and you don’t understand you have to, like know, I am good, you don’t understand, you know.

So it was such a different interaction and gave her a different version of me to interact with. And she, you know, lobbed some volley back at me like, Oh, right, yeah, you’re so enlightened now or whatever. And normally, I turn around and walk back into the room and start explaining to her why she was wrong and why I’m so great again, and, and I just turned, I said, I love you. Goodnight. And I walked away.

And, you know, it was weird the next day, but we did sit down and talk and it was still tough. But with everything she threw at me, I just came from the same place is I’m not here to correct you or tell you that your feelings are wrong because, by the way, nobody likes to have their feelings invalidated. That’s one kind of happiness that I think is pretty universal. And what I was trying to do is just listen for like, what’s going on under the surface here. Once you tell me, I’m doing this to her. Why does that not sit well with her? And so, through that, and literally, like really just listening and not giving her that normal version of myself where I hit back, things started to change. And it took a couple of weeks. But I was really consistent with it. And it’s not like we’ve never had a problem since then. But that was when things started to shift. And we built from there.

And at the same time, I had the situation at work, literally, that was like Saturday with my wife that Monday I walked into work. And one of my co-workers sent this really nasty email trying to get me fired. And the reason we’ve come to find out is she had screwed up pretty horribly and was covering it up and nobody knew and a few of us kept stumbling on things that were going to expose it. So she went into, you know, defense or I don’t know which one it is but like preemptively trying to get other people fired before they exposed her. And so again, I used I use the approach right in the middle it and it was like, she attacked me and expect me to try to fight back. And she’s, she’s an ex litigator like she would win in any argument anyone had.

So I just realized, like arguing is not going to work with her. So instead, I actually said, Thank you. And she went through this whole, like, you know, Brian’s terrible, and he did all these things wrong, and he’s worthless and blah, blah, blah, with our CEO sitting there. I said, thank you. This is just so you know, I have a different take on the information that you presented. But that’s actually not relevant. It’s not worth us arguing over whose data is right and who’s wrong. I want to understand what it is you’re really concerned about here.

Like I was asking her to tell me what happiness was that she was seeking. And she was totally taken aback. And she said She’s like, this is what I’m worried about for the business. And she didn’t even blame me for like or say, like, you’re going to get us to this bad place. She just said that’s what I’m worried about. And I think it’s going to come to fruition if we don’t do anything. You don’t agree with her. So I was like, Yeah, I feel the same way. What can we do about it? Here are a few things I think I can do to help, what do you think and she so instead of me blocking her happiness, she saw me as helping her achieve it.

So that’s where we got to this place where actually we could work together. She wasn’t trying to get me fired. Now things kept coming out about what she was covering up. And so eventually, she ended up leaving. And she wasn’t a peach to work with all the time, because she was really worried about, you know, looking bad and getting exposed and all that. But I understand all that now. And I understand another level of her happiness. It’s not about me, or any of our peers that she was attacking. It was about her insecurity with herself and her fear of losing her job. And she viewed all of us instead of being able to help her through it, which we could have. She viewed us as the biggest risks for her and she engaged in the wrong way. So we tried to give her a different version of ourselves to see that actually, we can help her.

Steve: Yeah, and, I mean, it occurs to me that in situations like that you’ve to fully repair a relationship. Friendship in any part of your life. You’ve got to have a partner on the other side, whether it’s, you know, the woman at work or your wife or whoever. Yeah. That is actually interested in repairing the relationship. Yeah.

Bryan: Yeah. And that’s, that’s where the definition of better comes in. So in that one, she wasn’t actually interested in that. So it was better… about being able to work together with my wife, obviously, it’s a different story with my siblings, with my parents, with friends who, you know, we all have falling out with friends from time to time with other co-workers where you know, we have a miss, I get someone at work who I said something, and he took it really harshly and he snapped at me. And that’s not what either of us wanted. He didn’t want the hardest thing that he felt was coming from me and I didn’t want him snapping. So we sat down and talked about it, but both of us wanted that to not be the norm because we had a really good working relationship.

So we worked through it. We talked about why each of us reacted the way we did what we actually wanted and realize like we’re both being ignorant about it because we’re missing what the other ones actually got going on, who just happened to express it in a less helpful way and then they could have. So you know, being partners in it, we could talk through it and kind of take the emotion out and just get to that happiness seeking and operate at that level. Which, you know, that’s the best kind of situation you can hope for. That’s not always going to be the case.

But you can still move things to better even if it’s not necessarily with you know, like the guy who cut me off. We’re not partners, and we are kind of playing the same game like a frog or there with our cars, but um, you know, I could make that not be adversarial. I could choose not to try to cut him off or give him the finger or whatever. And by the way, I got off with the next exit and he was still stuck in traffic, so wasn’t so bad for me in the end. But, you know, it’s just, we have different situations that we can choose what better ends up looking like but yeah if we have a real partner We’re not worn a higher chance of getting to truly better, and maybe they can become that, you know, even if they’re not at first, you just have to keep working at it.

Steve: Yeah, well, and I think, you know, as, as I reflect back as you’re, you know, listening to you, I reflect back on all the various relationships I’ve had over my career and in life. You know, having this approach, because really, you’re starting from a place of being mindful and trying to remove your own emotion because you can control that remove your own emotion from the situation, no matter what the person on the other side, does. That means if we just start there, no matter what they do, you’ve already controlled your reaction.

Bryan: Yeah.

Steve: And, and that automatically improves your situation or your experience of the situation. Then you can go to work, you know, it’s maybe its sort of like putting your own mask on. on the airplane, you know, when the oxygen drops From the Seattle area, but I hope Yeah, you know, it’s but it’s like you sort of have to take care of that first before you can then engage in it clearly from, from your story about how you were able to apply that with your wife, it doesn’t take a long time to do it, you can just decide sort of at the moment to do it. And it’s just a matter of almost like, deep breath, okay, I’ve kind of got control of myself. Now I can observe and, you know, and not reflect back all of the emotion that’s being put into the situation.

Bryan: Yeah. Now, that’s really well said. And I still think I’d probably put my son’s mask on before mine, but I know that’s the wrong answer. But the analogy holds the metaphor holds.

Steve: Yeah. I’ve never been in that situation. I have not been tested. And I hope I never am. But yeah. Anyway, it just, it seems like it’s a very practical way to approach a lot of these situations, and we run into it in all aspects of life every day.

Bryan: Yeah. And we’re all Carrying stuff around. And so you know, like going back to I totally overuse the scenario but the guy cut me off in traffic he was in a plumber van. Like, I don’t know why he cut me off. Maybe he’s just an aggressive driver and maybe he’s like trying to rush to someone’s house because a pipe burst and you know, trying to save the furnace or my, my house, my house, my house flooded. My house is fine. My house flooded though. And our furnace was like within inches of being destroyed. And so you know, like, I understand maybe there was an emergency, he’s going to me, but we carry these things around, we carry around our purpose, and people don’t necessarily know what’s going on inside. So you know, going back to your earlier point, like assuming that things come from a place of maliciousness. It’s an ignorant way to interact.

So why not let go of that and try to look for the real underlying thing going on here. And you may feel a lot less attacked, you may be able to respond differently and that, you know, might take a few times or a few days or weeks or whatever, it’s worth it Who doesn’t want to have more peace in their life? I don’t care how tough you are and how much like you know I’m from Boston so the Boston accent I come out all come on guy, we don’t need peace like come on gets off. I don’t care what kind of person you are. Nobody wants to have arguments truly, like really deep down you don’t really want to fight with everybody. You might be fighting for a reason that you know, insecurities or discomfort or pain. But the reality is, we all just want things to be okay.

So I do think this is really universal. I do think it applies literally every day of our life because we relate to people all over the place. And it’s ultimately our choice. So This to me is a very empowering way to look at these moments and recognize how you can start to make them better.

Steve: Very good, very good advice. So where can folks find the book?

Bryan: So you can find everything I do at BryanFalchuk.comthe book itself has its own website. It’s all numbers 5075100.com so 5075100.com. It’s up for pre-order. And it comes out on November 19. So that’s a release date. And I’m doing a special on the Kindle for 99 cents because I literally just want everyone to have it. I’m not going to retire off my books. So I’m not selling it for big money. I just, I want as many copies out there because I know everybody literally everybody has a situation where it could help. So I try to make it as accessible as I can. And it’s in every format, but the Kindle itself is 99 cents through the release date.

Steve: Oh, wow. That’s amazing.

Bryan: Everybody has a dollar, right?

Steve: Yeah. All right. So we will link in the show notes to the book page on the website and you want to go to the website first or straight to Amazon.

Bryan: The website will take them through to Amazon. So that’s fine, whatever they want. I’m not bothered, but I know that’s really bad marketing on one. But, I don’t care as long as they find what they’re looking for. I’m happy.

Steve: Alright, well, folks, go check out the book. It’s the 50-75-100 Solution: Build Better Relationships, and Bryan Falchuk, thanks for coming back on the podcast.

Bryan: Yeah, thanks for having me.